I have moved

http://learnexperienceshare.com/

Complementary forces

I took a break from blogging, about a 3 year break, by choice and by force. I felt I didn't have anything to share because most of what was going on in my life I didn't want to share, not with the world, a judging, harsh world. I felt if I "didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I'm breaking MY silence.

I'm going to share what I have learned and how I have grown. I will continue to share what I learn, the ways I grow as an act of accountability to myself, to God, and to those out in the world who may benefit from my voice.

Journaling had always been my therapy, my refuge, my way to collect all the thoughts flowing in and out and around in my mind. I have stacks and stacks of journals, dating back to the age of 8-years-old. They sit, in a box, collecting dust. I wrote with the intent of sharing with my children, grandchildren, hoping to share wisdom and laughs and sorrow. I have no children (yet?? ever??) and I feel my voice may be silenced or unnecessary. Not anymore, thank you blogging world!

I have experienced the darkness to appreciate light; depression to happiness; loss to love; loneliness to friendship; all on my journey for more light and love and peace. Yoga has been my tool.

In yoga, there is a focus on an inhale followed by an exhale. Prana (inhale, breathe in) brings in life, energy and breath. Apana (exhale, breathe out) eliminates waste. (a) As much as I prefer the exhale, I can't continue to exhale indefinitely. There HAS to be an inhale! In life, there will be a high (happiness, joy, excitement, forgiveness) and as much as I prefer those, I will experience a low (sorrow, pain, disappointment, sin). Yoga is my tool. Yoga was, and is, the gateway for my leaning.

I will continue to learn to appreciate the lows as much as the highs. I will continue to learn to be authentic and kind and courageous. I will continue to grow into the person I dream I truly am. I will continue to share my journey.

I will learn, grow, and share about the complementary forces at work in my life.

(a) Prana and apana are Sanskrit words broken down to: PRA meaning "before;" AN meaning "to breathe," "to blow," and "to live;" APA which means "away," "off," and "down."  Kaminoff, Leslie. Yoga Anatomy. Chicago, IL:Human Kinetics 2007.

Anniversary Gift - Dates

Date of our First Date

Date of our Engagement

Date of our Wedding

Leaf

My newest painting on a 3x3 inch canvas.

I've been reading about composition and how asymmetry is desirable. I usually fall under the"I-need-symmetry-always" label.

In the interest of learning; I took the approach: the leaf is not centered, no horizontal straight lines, curved lines to help guide the eye, and continued practice on blending.

Fall Wreath

Target dollar spot is addicting for me. EVERY time I enter a Target I HAVE to browse through that section. I am always able to find hidden treasures for the many project ideas in my head.

Wreath: $2.50
Large and small sunflowers: $2.00
2 bags of leaves: $2.00
Ribbon, floral wire and tape: already had

1. Made the bow by following a Youtube video because I had not been able to figure it out on my own. (Learning moment!) I left a long tail on it, intending to wrap it around the wreath. More on that later.

2. Using the floral wire and tape, following the technique I learned from my florist friend, I gave each flower and leaf a longer "stem" of wire to position and stabilize it on the wreath.

3. The bow went on first. Then the big sunflower, surrounded by the two smaller sunflowers. The leaves I put in last, as fillers.

4. The extra ribbon did not look pleasing no matter how I wrapped or twisted it around the wreath. Realizing I needed a way to hang it, the bow rotated itself to the top and the floral cascading down the side. I looped the extra ribbon tail and created a way to hang it.

I love how it turned out and worked itself out. I tend to get myself stuck in an idea, but I am learning to work with the art and creativity rather than fight against the ideal in my head.

Perfectionism

I was most likely born with a perfectionist gene. Scientifically it doesn't exist but the tendency was there and my environment made it ripe and ready. Being born the oldest child already set me on the path but having been born to a father who was the oldest child and a mother who was the oldest girl, my course was then set and firm.

With that ground work laid out I learned quickly that I did not like to be embarrassed, made-fun of, made to feel stupid, or get in trouble or make mistakes. The only way I learned to avoid all those shameful feelings was to never make mistakes or let anyone see my mistakes or flaws. Neither, of which, is healthy in a relationship or good for my self-esteem or actually possible.

Society has helped reinforce that by showing that it is not okay to make mistakes. The police officer who used the company credit card at the gas pump - once - to fill up his personal vehicle loses his job and faces serving jail time. Or the girl who was sexually abused is made to feel it is her fault and she is released from her temple recommend. There's the truck driver who loses control on a rainy night, hits someone, and miraculously everyone is okay - the truck driver still gets sued. There's all the political speeches torn apart word for word finding the slightest unintentional misspeak.

It's no wonder that I'm a perfectionist when the cost of a little mistake becomes life-changing. But for me, especially, being made fun of or ridiculed for who I am, is the trigger that shuts me down. I shut out the world and lose confidence in my abilities. I understand that I cannot blame the world for my lack of self-esteem - but the old childhood song "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" may be fun to sing back in the moment; unfortunately, though, those unkind words break more than bones; those unkind words can wound a soul.

Been thinking

To the passenger on the flight from GA to CO:

I have been thinking about the question you posed about what it means to "be a good person." I still agree with my original answer; however, I thought of a hiccup. The same hiccup I feel about "The Golden Rule." That is, everyone will and has a different perspective on what they would have liked done "unto themselves" just as "being good" in one religion or belief can be easily seen as incorrect in another.

It's a rock and hard place; so whether you are the wolf or the lamb, I hope that anyone that believes in the Savior is only a lost lamb, despite any mistakes they make, and will be found again. For those who really are wolves, well, they'll get theirs and I don't envy them at all.

Also, just so you don't forget, more answers about Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons) can be found here: Mormon.org

Sincerely,
Your fellow passenger, a Mormon

PS Coming soon, the piece about the rest of the eventful flight. :)